I consider myself pretty darn good at reading the body language of a dog
, especially my own. But there are still several times that they puzzle me. What are they thinking? What would they say to me right now if they could talk?
When I think my dogs are looking at me with love in their eyes, are they actually thinking to themselves "OMG
hooman don't you understand that your outfit doesn't match?!"
Taking all that into consideration, I thought it would make a fun post outlining from my own perspective "10 Things Our Dogs Would Say If They Could Talk?"
1. "It's 4:30 am
hooman, and I need to pee! Or I need to make you think I have to pee, but really, there is a super cute poodle that goes for early morning walks that I simply CANNOT miss out on smelling, so WAKE UP!"
2. "Boy, that steak you left sitting on the counter sure looks tasty. It would be a shame if... somehow it miraculously fell to the floor."
3. "Yay... same kibble as every other day of my life. Too much to ask for a different flavor once and a while?"
4. "Dear lord hooman, that outfit looks ridiculous on you."
5. "Why are you getting your shoes on? Are we going somewhere? A walk? A Car ride? Wait, why aren't you putting on my leash? Hey, you forgot to bring me with you! Where are you going? Have I done something wrong? Come back! Omg, she's never coming back. I have been abandoned by my own hooman! How dare she! How will I live? Who will feed me? I'm freaking out right now."
6. "Is that a car I hear? Could it be? IT IS!!! She came back to me! Omg omg omg omg she's home, she's home, omg omg. I thought you left meeeeee! Why did you leave me? Lets never fight again."
hooman if you'd like to listen and have a civilized conversation with me rather than treating me like some child, I'd really
appreci........ was that a squirrel? SQUIRREL!"
8. "I'll never understand why you keep telling me not to bark at this guy in uniform who keeps pretending to drop envelopes in a little box. He clearly trespasses on our property daily, and is quite obviously planning his lifelong attack on our home."
9. "I don't like this cat. I will never like this cat. I don't know why you keep telling me its not evil. I mean, look at it. I can't even walk past it without it slapping me with those long sharp devil claws."
10. "Yes, I realize I have already peed on this tree. But what you fail to realize is since this morning exactly --sniff sniff-- 5 dogs have also peed on said tree. Which means I need to pee on it again to make sure my scent is the strongest."
What do you guys think?
Pretty bang on? Okay, personal question for those of you reading. Have you ever commentated for your dog? I do this on a regular basis, no joke. Mostly when I have company at my house. And it never fails, each and every time, we always end up laughing so hard it brings tears to your eyes.
Have a little fun today, commentate for your dog and make a voice that you think would be fitting for your furry family member. I know, I know, it sounds silly. And it is! But that's the best part! So what are you waiting for?
If your dog could talk, what do you think he would say?